Acceptance
Taking the Exit Ramp
I had a funny thing happen to me this morning. I was writing in my "Do-Good File," a private document I keep for myself, where I try to write something encouraging or upbeat to start my day. There are many days when I open the document and don’t know what to write about. Because this happens often, I will sometimes have one word be the subject for as long as it takes me to wear it out. For instance, “Hope” has been a word that I’ve been using lately. This is for times when I’m not naturally in the best of moods. I mean, nobody is happy all the time, are they?
So, I figured I’d write about hope. Nothing happened. So, I figured I’d use a technique that I sometimes use, which is to relax into the moment. I really don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like I become a fisherman and I’m patiently waiting for a nibble on my line. Or, when I want to roll into a psychic vision and I sink.
A memory came to me. I wasn’t thinking any more than waiting for something to talk about, so I was in a form of acceptance, I suppose.
The memory that came was 50 years old. Dennis, my husband, and I were in our little VW bug. We were on our way from where we lived in Vaihingen, a suburb of Stuttgart, to the US Army base, which was not a mile away. I don’t remember why we were going there. We might have been visiting my parents, shopping, or going to work. I don’t remember that part. It was cold. Our little car never had a heater that worked in all the years we had it. Winters can get cold in Stuttgart. Not much snow, but cold.
We always bundled up. I remember being bundled up. Dennis was driving. The car was a stick shift, and I never learned how to get out of the second gear. On the military base, it was no problem because the speed limit was only 15 miles per hour. But, out on the city streets? No, that’s no good, so Dennis pretty much drove us anywhere we had to go. I drove exactly three times on the German city streets. I remember once I went up on the sidewalk trying to see where I was shifting.
Anyway, I believe we were also in a rush. I don’t remember why. I remember that. The surfaces of bridges freeze faster than streets. It’s because of the cold air underneath them. We got to a small bridge and spun out. All the way around.
We ended up okay. There was no traffic either coming towards us or behind us. We didn’t wreck the car. It just spun out.
I thought I was going to die, and I was perfectly okay with it. I believe it’s pretty much the closest I ever got to a near-death experience. As we spun, time seemed to elongate. It was like being in a wormhole in a Star Trek episode. I thought to myself, “I’m going to die, and it’s okay.” You know how people say their life flashes before their eyes when they think they’re going to die? That didn’t happen to me. I was at peace with it. I regretted that Dennis and I wouldn’t have more of a life together, but overall, I was okay with it.
It felt like I was going home.
Perhaps that was a reminder to me that I can be in a state of acceptance and everything will be okay, no matter what is going on.
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